I went to Rhs this morning; I wanted to be with my Home for the very last time, before I actually leave it. At the midst of my satisfaction, I saw the very person I can’t believe I would see. Not there, not in the place where she said she’s not around.
Although my mind pushes me away, my heart was like a negative charge finding her opposing mate. The force brings me to her. This person who once become my teacher, my Friend (I suppose so), my mother (I wish), suddenly became an ogre to my eyes. When I come next to her, I felt like I was pushed away. Like her positive charged ion swiftly become negative repelling my force. It was like I’ve invited myself to a place where nobody expects me to be, I feel disowned.
And the very question that lingers me is WHY? Why does she have to lie, why? I asked her if she’s there and she says no. But why? Doesn’t she want to see me? I was so foolish to set my mind that she misses me the way I do miss her.
I wanted to scream and tell her that it hurts. Like a raging car at the middle of the night, my heart was wallop on the wall. Every pieces dispersed and I can’t find each of the. Is everything a hoax, her waves, her smiles, are they genuine. If it’s not… well she’s been a good actress.
After being true to her, she’s been my inspiration, my very reason to haul out my best. I just thought she like me to be around, that she never wanna lose me, but everything is a mistakes, everything that she says maybe a mere lie. She molded my brain to believe that she loves me and she cares for me. But I was fooled.
sana lang mali ako. sana tama ang mga excuses na ibinigay ng friends ko. sana totoo sya. sana hinde lang ako nanaginip. sana HINDE NA LANG SYA NAGREPLY.
Ayoko pa ring mawala s’ya 😦