TO WHOM I AWE AN APOLOGY

.<high school>.

Why can’t i avoid cheating, from the school papers to the test, up to the cards I sent. Everything is a mere cheat – I’m a thief indeed. How could I deny it, cheating’s what makes me.

Am I too unfair? Or just a victim of my protocols?

 

I hate to blame them, I hate to treat them as a cause, but they seem to be the root of everything. They are the widow of my desire and the face of my whole being. They are the reason why I have to push myself to the limit until I reach my capacity and touch the forefinger of such an evil desire.

 

They ask me more, when In fact they are pulling me off.

 

They demand me better while they are molding me at worst…

 

They chastise me best, when I do just best and kill me infinitely for the never-ending shadow of my unusual blunder.

 

Why can’t they just accept me as I am? I’m born with such genetic code and I can’t change that. I can’t be somebody who is not me. Isn’t that simple or there eyes have been folded and is set as a programmed computer.

Each morning, each day, each sounds: the bell of a ring, the door that clings, the bark of a dog… each sound the same. Everything leads my ear to the same sound. The tune of my protocols!.

I wish I never learn to play with them. I wish we never jammed. ‘Cause now whatever I do, no matter how I tried to cover my ears, still sound goes in.

 

I was trapped by the road in this faux pas. How could I escape? How could I run away, if each cross just leads me back to the same old way? If each thwart just pushes me to be back.

 

 

 

 

                                            

I feel like I’m a snail trap on its shell. Everytime I wish to scrawl out, there’s a naughty almost ready to get me back. Like a bird trap on its haul, it may pass on the barb but not on the wall of the house. Same as a crying baby, left on one corner of the house, keep screaming and crying out loud, trying to let everyone know that she’s hungry, but nobody understands. Nobody!

 

 

 

 

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~ ni tina sa Agosto 13, 2008.

10 Tugon to “TO WHOM I AWE AN APOLOGY”

  1. Nosebleed naman.

    alam mo ganyan talaga. normal na yan.

    hindi kami nagpaparamihan. people always change. keep that in mind.

  2. may mga panahon talaga na ganyan. i went through the same angst too. what i did is realize that if they can’t change for me, maybe i will change my reaction, my point of view about certain things and just keep within me the things which they won’t give much attention. akin na lang since hindi naman nila yun papansinin… sige na lang….

    kaya mo yan.

  3. BAKIT KA NAG-INGLES?

    EPISTAXIS.

  4. SUSUPORTAHAN NA NGA LANG KITA. GO.

  5. …kakanta na lang ako…

    i I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
    Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
    Be my mirror my sword and shield
    My missionaries in a foreign field
    For some reason I can not explain
    Once you know there was never, never an honest word
    That was when I ruled the world

  6. Lame…

    Kahit na ganyan ka, okay lang iyan!
    Keep on cheating!
    LOL…
    Parang si MG lang…
    Cheer up!

  7. wala lang…. galingan mo sa akads ha

  8. eto yung official blog ko…

    hindi ko agad na ilink kasi…kasi….

    😀

  9. anu yung sinabi mo raw kay jep.

  10. minsan, ganyan talaga. pero minsan, hindi din ganyan… kaya mo yan

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